So I had this brilliant notion of a writing schedule. I proclaim I’m going to do it. Cue the next three days: Sitting around watching movies instead of writing. For one I just couldn’t bring myself to write. It’s a horrible, all encompassing feeling where I sit down, open Scrivener and nothing comes to mind. Nothing leaves my fingers. I just wanted to curl up in a ball under my blanket and watch Pompeii and the rest of Private Practice. So I did.
I felt so much guilt for it. I have always felt this way, but I guess it’s because I’ve been a serial student for a long time (that hasn’t stopped, I still have B-School and BE+BH modules to get through, doh) and the guilt of not doing an assignment really gets to me, so it also seems to translate into not getting my writing goal done. Oops.
I’m lucky to be able to be surrounded by some pretty smart writers and academic alike, they have all been giving me little bits of supportive pep talks that have actually helped. I know, I know, as a young adult I scoffed at anyone trying to give me advice, I always wanted thought that advice was all hocus pocus and some of it has been, there have been multiple people who have let me down with their advice and doing the exact thing they were preaching against! Anyway I’m digressing here. These little pep talks have brought me closer to realising that sometimes taking a break and looking after yourself (which I know I have been struggling to do of late), is good but it’s harder than it seems. But I need to. I’m so used to looking after people and I generally thrive with that. When Dad passed away I was looking after Mum, that became my first priority and to this day, still is, but I know I need to think about myself too.
It’s surreal, as a child and a daughter, have to look after your mother as your world crumbles around you, but it’s more surreal when you have to write this down. I just finished writing a scene (yes I have been back at writing after my slump) where I needed to pull on this and even as I read my draft where I told it, it didn’t feel real, this time I could write it and know exactly what it feels like. Writing what you know and all that.
Sometimes looking after yourself also means that when you get the urge to munch on orange like vegetables, you need to make the link with right chakra and acknowledge it. Let creativity roam free, do what you need, write it out
Make. It. Happen.
Sometimes listening to the guilt you feel can be a blessing. Binging on that TV show can feed your writerly insides (not this is different from the fakey mcfake muse) and give you the creative spark that you need to go on. After my binge I have reawakened with the burning desire to write, my story is consuming me and even as I write this, it’s calling to me. I haven’t felt like this since early this year. I have now written something like 5,000 words int he last three days. It’s better than I have done in the last two months.
Waiting sucks. It’s frustrating as all hell, but it’s worth it. So do me a favour, instead of trudging along, take a step back and breathe a sigh, watch that movie, drink that tea, binge on James McAvoy youtube interviews and just relax. You’re recharging and waiting for what there is to come. And when it comes it’s going to be glorious and you’re going to thank yourself for taking them time out to look after yourself and care for your creativity and writerly insides.
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