Just as a side note, before I start today’s blog post, if you haven’t noticed, I’ve moved over to a new place. I’m now a dot com and I’ve got a new theme. I’m trying to figure out if I really like it, but so far it’s good. I also have a new email! It’s all so exciting. I’m embracing the new. Now onto today’s blog.
My gorgeously strong Mum has joined me over here in Melbourne for a week with my brother for my on coming graduation and I learnt that embracing what you have is powerful, it’s unique and I should have done so when I was younger. I always was ashamed of being Greek, of being different and having a life that wasn’t normal to everyone else. I always felt like I was apart from the crowd. In high school I learned to accept when majority of my school was Greek and it was all about showing that off.
I had an epiphany last week. I’m tired of letting fear get the better of me, of letting it decide who I am, on what I should embrace and who I should like and what not to act on. I’m tired of being second best to the voice inside my head. Life is about living, it’s about giving everything you have and expecting nothing in return. For a long time I thought I was, but I haven’t been. I sit behind a computer screen, a fake smile, or something that hides who I really am. I hide behind a façade that has me exhausted, because I am amazing, dammit, I have much to give and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t need to be in my life. I’m slowly and swiftly making the detox and throwing out people who don’t serve me well, who don’t help me grow, I will not be tied down by their chains.
Sometimes trying to live without fear is a waiting game. It’s tiring and sometimes fruitless. It’s hard work. Are you living without fear? Without care? No. Everyone cares. It takes a lot of caring to not care. It’s a hard thing to come by but it’s the truth. I’ve watched people not care about a thing, but deep down, when you strip down the arrogant and egotistical mask they wear, you can see how much they care and that’s when you understand.
I have taken for granted what I thought would always be there. I thought my Dad would be around to see my fall in love; he’s seen me have my first heartbreak, he’s grounded me for breaking his rules and he’s helped me move out of home, but I took for granted that Dad would always be around. Sometimes I wish that I had called him the day before he passed away just to chat at him, but I can’t be stuck in the what ifs. If I was it would be too hard to go on, because the what ifs would be infinite. Asking for his help was also something that I had found difficult, because I was just as stubborn as he is. I wish I had asked for more help when I needed it.
Life is funny, it gives us exactly what we think we can handle when need to handle it. Fear and I have a different relationship now. I bested it and switched over my site all on my own (with the help of Google), but I said yes to that weekend trip with the girls to Byron Bay. I’m going to say yes to putting up my hand to do the things that I want to do. Bali, Sydney, travelling through Melbourne and finding the nooks that make me happy; that make my soul soar. I deserve it. So do you. If you want to do something, you just have to do it.