Did that get your attention?
I bet it did.
It got mine when I realised that I had it. But it’s not what you think. I’m not physically blocked. Not like when Dad passed away and I had to deal with the tangle of emotions I had before I could push through the fog to get there, definitely not like that.
I can still write.
I write almost every day.
I write a lot but I find that I don’t have enough time to relaly write.
Did I just echo what you feel?
It’s hard to put that line between us and what our creative and writely insides need from us. I know that I put my creativity on the lower end of my prorities and, boy, did I feel it. It’s something that is silently hacking away at my sense of self and my sense of being a writer in this life. I want to get my words out there but at the same time I want to get my words seen by others, social media and marketing myself makes me feel icky because I don’t want to sell my services. I want to invite people to have a conversation with me.
I want them to do it at their own pace and because they want to, not because some random sale is going to end. I don’t want them to have FOMO and feel like they need something that will just sit in their inbox because they purchased it and forgot about it, I want something more than that. I want to be able to have them come back to me and tell me that they just wrote something that was amazing, so amazing that they’re going to keep writing about it tomorrow and the day after, and the day after that.
Those are the things that matter to me.
And when I let my own creativity get put on the back burner, I suffer in life.
When vacuuming, mopping the floor, laundry and cleaning get in the way and become a priority for me, I start to feel sick. My body starts to tell me that something is wrong, and my ability to breathe gets harder.
I through myself into trying to get active, into putting in systems where it allows me to get in front of all of my chores but I seem to forget about my writerly insides and what it means to free myself up when I am true to myself and I can lock myself up for a few hours.
I need it to recharge and I know that you do too (and yes I’m acknowledging that you’re reading along too, because I have faith that this found you when you needed it).
In fact I wrote for the first time in 2019, only the other day, I gave myself time, I worked, I went on holiday and then I came back and worked a little more and then I sat my butt down I put words to paper.
I got 800 odd words and it felt wonderful. I felt like I could fly so high and nothing could touch me. And then the next day I did 1603 words and I planned to keep going but when I came home from work on Tuesday I found that I could hardly bring myself to get to the computer and same with Wednesday. I tried, I had the document open but I was diving deep into Uni prep for…get this…next year for my creative thesis and I let myself get lost in that.
And today? Today I’m writing this because I let my creativity get put last on the list. I allowed my body to feel tight and feel like I’m letting myself down, because I put it at the bottom. I was listening to a podcast between Melissa Ambrossini and Alexandra Franzen about creativity and writing. Alexandra basically has my dream job with no social media, she’s a ghost writer and everything she speaks of makes complete and utter sense and time and time again I could hear my own words coming back to me. Most, if not all of her points, were points I had relayed to my clients, to my besties and to anyone who will listen.
I’m not nurturing my creativity enough, that’s why, sometimes, cooking seems lack lustre. My house is in shambles and the internal noise (and my own internal editor) is buzzing strong.
Many ask how I manage to get so much done, or that I’m always so positive and they can’t seem to know why or how that happens and I wish I had the magical answer to that question but all that I can say is that when I prioritise my creativity and my writerly insides I feel better. The world is a little easier to deal with and I can find a way through the slog to silence my Inner Editor and get shit done.
I’m putting my foot down and making my creativity a part of my every day. I’ve started to integrate yoga into my day, every day, why can’t I start to do the same with writing, again. I know that I feel better when I can do that. I’m yanking out the excuses to do this.
I’m going to schedule it in until it becomes second nature. And I’m going to take you on the journey with me. Join me, let’s put our creativity in our list of Most Important Things to do. Because our mental, creative and writerly insides deserve that from us.
I want to hear if you will be joining me in prioritising your creativity and I want to keep you accountable.